Yesterday would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. I always assumed we’d get there and then some. But we didn’t quite make it: Nineteen years and three months. I wasn’t sure how I’d handle the day. It turned out to be quite benign. Hmm, I wasn’t planning that word, it just sort of popped out there. Then it jumped off the screen and hit me between the eyes. It was two years ago today that we found out the lump wasn’t benign…

Back to yesterday though. I liked to surprise Kristi on our anniversaries. Not every year necessarily as that would have become predictable. On our first we escaped to the Napa Valley, on our fourth I surprised her with a chauffeured car to see Phantom in San Francisco. On our 10th we planned an east coast tour of Washington DC, Maryland and Virginia. But that was for the fall. So on our actual 10th anniversary we headed back to Napa for a couple of nights at a little place tucked in the hills. But the surprise was a new diamond and ring. Boy, did that put a smile on her face!

As we approached our 18th anniversary two years ago I was starting to think about how to celebrate #20. I was thinking about a trip back to Montana and Glacier National Park (where we started dating), or possibly somewhere in the tropics (where we honeymooned). Of course all that was lost in the haze of the ensuing health battle that started the day after our 18th. (18+1)

As this 20th anniversary inexorably approached I thought I’d be wistful for the trip that wasn’t to be. Then about a month ago I realized that the trip had already taken place! Our romp through tropical Australia, the adventures of New Zealand, the children learning to ski at Lake Tahoe in January…That was ultimately a celebration of our life together, a joyful declaration that her life lives on in our children. She would have loved it.

That realization released me to focus on the joys of the day and good memories from years past. I went for a bike ride in honor of Kristi, coached Matt’s baseball game and then went to dinner with friends. The day was actually better than benign…it was good.