Category Archives: Inspirational

Posts that relate to living faithfully.

How’s Your Serve?

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Today was crazy busy. I tagged along with the boys early this morning on an informal mini triathlon with our local tri club. It was super fun and relaxed and so enjoyable to race it together with my sons. That was the “fun” part of the day. The rest of it was spent prepping everything for tomorrow’s big Ironman race simulation. I was fetching ice, bottled water, bike chain cleaner, marking paint and more. The boys and I marked the run course through the neighborhoods and the key turns at the midway point of the bike. I set up the transition areas and scoped out the swim start again. Finally after all that, I pulled my personal gear together and now I’m hitting the hay.

I’m tired, but at peace. As I prepare to close my eyes, I realize I’ve spent most of the day serving others. And I’m fulfilled by that. While it was sometimes stressful trying to transform my driveway into a triathlon transition area, the day was enjoyable. I was focused. Life was in it. It was a good day.

How’s your serve?

The Second Lap

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The shoes in the image above are mine. I’ve run more than 1800 miles in them over the last three years. I’ve learned much on the journey. My skill as a runner has increased significantly. But there is still room for improvement. My Ironman training regimen is designed to help me finish stronger than I start. The workouts tend to have tougher components toward the end. Such was the case Sunday afternoon. I was scheduled for a two hour run. The first hour was to be run as a warm up with low intensity just to get good and tired. The second hour was split into three, twenty minute intervals at race pace (or faster) intensity. I started at 1:30 PM in the afternoon on a mid-80’s degree day to simulate the race day run timing. The Texas humidity made sure I was warm right from the start.

I kept my pace measured and easy as I clicked through the first hour, marked off by my regular refueling every fifteen minutes. Then came the work. I laid out my run to have more hills in the second hour. That’s how the course is in Chattanooga in September. Just as I hit the first twenty minute interval, I was heading up one of the steeper hills of the day.

When you’ve been moving at a slow and steady pace for an hour, your body adjusts and kicking it up to a fast gear pushes everything out of whack for a bit until your body acclimatizes to the new pace. But I held it; I hit my pace goals during all three intervals. My software tells me my fastest kilometer of the day was my last one. I was speeding up as I finished! Yes! Real progress! But that second hour, that second lap was tough and demanding on my body and concentration.

Now that I look back on it, the first year after Kristi died was all about survival. I was thrilled just to get to this date last year. So much change. So much hurt. So much adjustment. I wasn’t sure I could do it. But I made it. We made it. Together and smiling! I knew we would be OK.

But as this second year without Kristi has drawn to a close, I realize that it has been much like the second lap of my run. This year wasn’t just about going through the motions just to make it to a certain date on calendar. This year was about making real progress toward thriving again. And we have. But it has been hard. The pace has picked up and life is churning onward. We’ve had to adjust to the new pace and the reality of the new normal has settled in. This isn’t a sprint. Its about endurance. However the path to thriving again is in moving forward, not back. I know it. Its exciting to have progress. But there’s a price to pay. I’m willing to pay it. My goal is not survival. My aim is to thrive!

Happy Birthday

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I was surprised this evening as we celebrated my birthday quietly at my parents’ house. A knock on the door and a friend from church delivered this birthday cake for me. His daughter,

IMG_9050who had made it, delivered it with him. What a delightful surprise! Its the Ironman logo. What you can’t see is that on the right edge of the cake it says “Ironman” and on the other it says “Chattanooga”. How cool is that?

Friends and family carry you along the way on this journey of life. I know so many have prayed for me and for our family. So many have extended themselves to care for us. This was the latest example of the Father’s love expressed through His children. I am grateful… grateful to live among such excellent people. Last year I rode up a mountain on my bike. This year I took the day off training. I’ll be back at it tomorrow, sharpening up for the big race simulation on Saturday. But today was a day to savor being alive.

While this cake is a symbol of my racing goal for the year (Chattanooga Ironman, September 27th), it also puts a stamp on what it takes to keep living, keep loving and keep laughing. It takes an iron will. I will not back down in the face of loss. Oh yes, it hurts. Oh yes it claws at me. But I will overcome. I choose faith, hope and love. These three remain. They are the fertile soil that produces joy.

 

To Move Forward

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In the finish chute at the Pflugerville TriI train to race. I race to move forward. Its that simple.

Life went sideways the day Kristi was diagnosed. A sideways life is out of sync. It requires WAY more effort to simply complete each day than synchronization did. After eighteen years of marriage we had our processes figured out. We moved in synchronization. Our processes and methods may not have been the most efficient and certainly not the best, but they were ingrained, they were habitual (in the best use of that word). Two parents, two mates, two lives working as one, raising four more made a lot of forward progress.

But then there was just one. One trying to survive. One trying to keep all the old processes in motion but finding out that one cannot do what two did. One trying to keep the other going. But one ending up just trying to make it to the end of each day. One trying to keep hope alive in the other four. One trying to keep hope alive in himself. And then hope died.

One found himself adrift, floating sideways. But there was a race coming for the one. Because there was a race, one got up before the dawn to run and swim and bike. When the gun went off, one found he was racing, not to survive, but to thrive. The reality of the forward movement captured the spirit of one and rekindled hope that life could be synchronized again. Each finish line was more than just the completion of a race. It signified forward momentum.

The race demands the focus of the one be kept looking forward, to live in expectation of growth and new achievement. The race instills discipline in the one to rise and train. And one has found that in the rising, in the training, in the racing, life moves forward, not sideways. Forward movement provided a rebirth of hope. And hope does not disappoint.

I race to move forward.

 

 

Dual Roles

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I thought I knew what Kristi did as a mom. Right. Now that I have been both dad AND mom for close to two years, reality has become clear. Its a ton of work. It takes everything I have. And it keeps on taking. I love it and am glad to do it, but…wow!

Chad, Kristi and children, the day after diagnosis

So on this Mother’s Day, I’m thankful for all the years my children had an amazing, capable, loving, talented, giving, tough, hard-working, thoughtful, patient and never-give-up mom. On the way to church I asked them to recount memories they had and we got some good stories.

Coming home, after lunch out with my mom and dad, everyone was in good spirits. The start of summer break has definitely improved the mood around the house. So for a short time this afternoon, I put aside the motherly worries and the fatherly concerns and just enjoyed their banter.

Later this afternoon my stomach tried to revolt on me so I spent several hours sitting in bed. I kept getting cautious knocks on the door and reticent peeks to make sure that dad/mom was ok. By late evening the nausea had passed, thankfully without anything to show for the misery, and this dad/mom was able to tuck each child in bed, pray with them and send them off to peaceful sleep.

Somebody asked me in the past week how I do it. How do I keep up with life and four children and all the activities. If I look at the whole picture, it quickly gets overwhelming. So I take it one step at a time. Its just like a long endurance race. You can’t look at a 5 hr and 45 minute race as a whole. You have to break it down: 33 minutes for swimming. Then a 3 hr bike ride. Then a two hour, 13.1 mile run, checking the pace each mile and focusing on each step, knowing that for every step taken, you’re one step closer to the end. You do what’s at hand, trusting the Father above for the strength to continue and to do it to the best of your abilities. And oh yeah… a huge shout-out to all those moms in our life who bring the touch and presence of a real mother for my children. It adds immeasurably to this dad/mom’s efforts. You’re the best!

Surprise! What I Pulled Out Completely Shocked Her!

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Twenty-one years ago today I said “I Do!” It was “I Do and I will…” Forever. We both said it. We both meant it. We kept those mutual vows for nineteen years and three months until death finally did part us. But that didn’t mean it had to be a chore or boring the whole time. Far from it! I decided to get the surprises going early in our marriage and started during the reception…

It was time to throw the garter. Kristi was seated conspicuously in the middle of the guests and I knelt down in front of her and slipped my hands under her dress, found the garter and teased it off. Before I pulled my hands back out from under her dress, I stuffed the garter in the sleeve of my coat and out of the other pulled a pair of Kristi’s bright red undies I had secreted out of her honeymoon bag.

Chad Surprising Kristi at their wedding reception
Surprise! Chad pulls red panties out from under Kristi’s wedding dress instead of the garter.

The look on her face says it all. Complete shocker! It got everyone laughing and brings a smile to my face all these years later. A romantic at heart, I kept surprising her throughout our marriage to keep the fire bright and the love fresh.

May the memories of love fulfilled bring you joy today! I’m thankful for the years we shared together and the love of my children that keeps it real every day.

Celebrate life!

 

What’s Your Choice?

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Up early for pre-dawn training run. 5.25 miles of intervals today. That means you run fast for a bit, then slow down and recover then repeat. Interval training is part of the journey to increase your fitness and speed.

It reminds me that grief is part of the journey of life. Sometimes we move fast, sometimes we slow down and recover.

Today I ran with our club president. She’ll be racing the Ironman Chattanooga course with me in September. Its always good to train with a partner. It keeps your effort honest and provides a source of encouragement. 

The race of life doesn’t have to be run alone. Even if you’ve suffered great loss. Jesus pioneered the way into the Father’s heart, opening it wide so that you and I never have to be alone, so that we can live a life surrounded by love and sharing it with others.

Its a choice. Love is always a choice. Its a willful act to embrace another’s life, knowing that the act of engagement will require much. But Love is always a gift and that gift, when received and returned transforms both lover and beloved. What’s your choice today?

Easter In A Nutshell

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“Ask and you will receive and your joy will be complete”… and “this is to my Father’s glory, that you show yourselves to be my disciples.” Both these passage of scripture come from the book of John. Jesus is talking to his disciples right before he is betrayed and ultimately crucified. Of course the story doesn’t end there. He crushes death through resurrection and opens the path to his Father’s heart for all of us to enter.

I think Jesus was joyful. Everywhere he went he set people free from the death, disease and destruction. What a joyful mission! He demonstrated what life looks like when you are in close contact with God. As he prepares his dsicples for his imminent departure, he says in effect, “Look, ask for these same kinds of things. The very things that I’ve been doing, you’re going to be able to do too. Look for ways to bring life and it will bring you complete joy! It will also bring glory to Father God as well.”

Joy. What a powerful motivator. Everyone seeks joy. But Jesus says it comes as a byproduct of bringing life to others. You get it when you’re not aiming for it. You get it becuase you get to see people loved and set free through Jesus. How cool is that? Its so cool its glorious!

I break it down this way: Bring life, Revel in the glory, Find joy!

Happy Easter!

I Decided to Try It

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This chest cold doesn’t bother me much until the afternoon. Today it dropped the hammer at 2PM and I had to shut my eyes for 30 minutes. After shaking off the grogginess I realized Luke had baseball practice this evening. Nice. A perfect time to see if some light training will help push this cold out.

So when Luke trotted off to the ball field, I laced up my running shoes and hit the trail. 45 minutes later I was back after a nice easy five miles. I felt great as the run ended but wondered if I’d crash when we got home and my body came off the running high.

Nope. I did great through dinner and early evening. Looking forward to rest tonight. Hoping I’ll be on the mend now.

So glad I decided to try and push my limits today. It wasn’t vigorous, it was just a gentle nudge to let the body know it needs to get well. Sometimes you just have to push through the resistance.

Today I Sat

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As Katie steered the Honda out of the driveway and off to school, the quiet settled over the house. The sun was shining. Work needed to happen outside. I settled on the back patio, not fit to do much else. I skipped my normal Tuesday morning 5:30AM run with the group. I’m battling some sort of chest cold. I slept in until 6:00AM, what a treat! Saturday is the first long bike ride of the year, 85 miles down around the LBJ ranch. I’d like to be healthy for that. So I’m backing off the physical stress to see if I can kick this.

I felt OK today until about 3:30. Then I just crashed. I went down for a 30 minute nap and then realized when I woke that supper needed to get going because Luke had to leave at 5 for his ball game. I think I’ll need the extra rest tomorrow morning as well so I’m going to skip the 5:30AM swim tomorrow morning too.

Back to the sitting…I sat and I thought and I prayed. What about this? What about that? Little questions. Telling Father what’s on my mind and heart. Giving it to Him to let Him sift it and give it back. No answers yet. That’s ok. I trust Him.



I sat some more tonight. My daughters were inducted into the National Honor Society and as I sat through the ceremony I was so proud of them. They’ve endured so much change in the last 24 months. Their mother went from remission to fading quickly and then gone. They had to go to a new school, make new friends and learn new  skills. They’ve become meal managers and cooks, cleaners and brother sitters. They could have folded, called  it quits and airmailed it in. But they didn’t. I’d like to think part of that reason is that I’ve dedicated myself to being plugged in, leaning into them during this time and forging new relational links that just didn’t have to exist when they had a mother.

Yes, that’s definitely part of it. But part of it is the 50% of their mother they have in them. They’ve handled all the change with amazing grace and skill, just like her. And of course, another part of it is the grace from the Father. He strengthens us when we are weak. All of us have been there. But now we’re working with Him to bring about good things: Luke turns 12 on Monday. We are celebrating on Sunday evening. I’m sorry you won’t be able to come. Its going to be a hoot! LIterally!

Its a Harry Potter themed party complete with owls in cages. Our dining room table is covered in decor, ready to turn our house into everything from Kings Cross Station (Platofrm 9&3/4) to the Hogwarts Castle. The girls are the driving force behind this creative binge, but we’re all engaged. Everyone is excited about it.

We’re doing life together. Celebrating the passage of another year. And believe me, we don’t take those years for granted any more! A birthday celebration is big news!

I thought today would be wasted, in the sitting. But in the sitting I found rest not only for my body but encouragement for my heart and soul.

You.Create

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I carried death yesterday. I was a pall bearer for my grandmother. Bearing the pall. Such a graphic image. The finality was palpable. As we eased her casket onto the rollers over the grave, I was glad to be relieved of my burden.

Death isn’t something we enjoy handling up close. But many of us who’ve been touched by it, refuse to let it go. We carry its pall around with us, letting it color everything we encounter. Of course that’s a choice. There is another alternative.

Create. Creation is the very essence of humanity. We learn in the opening pages of the Bible that God created humankind in his image. The ability to create is at the core of that likeness.

Create what?

Life. Goodness. Wholeness. Just to pick three.

I don’t think its accidental that the first image the Bible paints of Father God is the creator, the author, the originator of good life. He created only good. In fact when God answers Job, his answer is a recounting of all the natural wonders he created. And what he created was good. God isn’t the author of death.  He didn’t create it. He made life.

Jesus demonstrated this same penchant for creating good through the way he lived his life. To make sure no one got confused, he blatantly said: “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.” In other words, the work I’m doing, this is the essence of my Dad’s heart.

And then he invited anyone who wanted to follow his example. To be a partner in bringing life, freedom and goodness. Then he enabled us to do that very thing through his death and resurrection.

So where does that leave you? You have a choice. Try to hang on, survive, avoid pain and just get by. Or go and create.

Bring life. Build up. Give.

Don’t think you’re equipped to do that? Are you using oxygen? You’ve got what it takes. You won’t be prepared, you won’t feel ready. Just start. It may not work out the first time. That’s ok. Keep after it.

Consistent effort will soon produce a habit of looking for ways to create goodness. Here’s a post I did last year about changing habitual actions in 30 days time.

The choice: carry around death (death is static, unchanging and unable to adapt) or create life, goodness, wholeness, etc?

You.Create (hint: its a command)

 

What Are You Going to Do with the Time Given You?

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I must admit, I came to J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy via the initial movie by Peter Jackson. However I gobbled up all the novels before the last two movies came out. While I love the entire trilogy, I still think the first book and movie are my favorite. And out of many weighty passages, the one that is perhaps most meaningful now to me is an exchange that takes place between Frodo and Gandalf while lost deep under the Misty Mountains in the mines of Moria. Gandalf is providing Frodo deeper context to his quest to destroy the ring. Frodo isn’t happy with his predicament. The back and forth ends with this:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” (The Fellowship of the Ring)

Like Frodo, its your call. Frodo has already endured loss and more will come his way. I don’t expect my life will be free of loss, pain and grief from here on out. What I do know is that I am determined to thrive… to bring life, build up and give hope along the way.

What are you going to do with the time that is given to you?