Never been big on resolutions. But in this new phase of life, you have to make some hard choices. The last eighteen months have been filled with choices I never thought I’d have to make. What’s for dinner? Do I let my daughter wear that outfit? Does it matter that my little boy’s socks don’t match? Paper or plastic?

More weighty though: How do I help my children remember their mother? Is it OK for them to see me laughing? Is it alright to be excited about something in life? I’m crying, should I let my friends see me? My children?

The new year is here and I remember this time last year. It was just six months since I’d lost Kristi. Those six months had been a blur. I knew that with the new year, the reality of surviving alone would envelope me. The thought, the reality was intimidating. The grief, the pain, the loneliness, the confusion was all waiting. But I knew I couldn’t hide from it. I had to go through it.

Instead of trying to dodge it, I made a choice to let life come and move forward through it. I made a choice to not hide. I made a choice to feel so that I could heal.

You have a choice to make. Do you hide from the pain and the loss or do you move through it? Let it come and then let it go? “Man up”, “Be Strong” and “Hang tough” all sound well and good. But if it means stuffing your emotions and letting them go unacknowledged and bottled up, then you’re heading for rough waters. Those emotions will out at some point.

Do you want to let them out when they’re fresh and new and running freely? Or do you relish waiting until they’re old, festered and full of pus?

Its a new year. You have a choice. You always have a chance to make a new one. Embrace life. The highs and lows. It’ll heal you faster.