Tag Archives: Grief

18 + 471 Day By Day

Grief, Inspirational, ,

The Father is ever present in our midst and giving grace in a time of recovery and grief. We’ve prayed together, sang together and read scripture together as a family. And yes we’ve laughed together. I just take each day as it comes to me. Yesterday and today I’ve been physically tired. The cold/allergies I dealt with over the weekend are gone, but I’m just recovering my strength slowly. I’m taking it easy to regain my stamina before the triathlon this weekend. Speaking of the weekend… Our precious Katie turns sixteen on Sunday!

I’m taking her out to eat, just she and I, for a special daddy/daughter date on Friday evening to a high class seafood and steak place. Yes, we will get dressed up and I’ll get to show her how a gentleman handles himself when in her presence. Sunday we will celebrate her at my parents after I get back from the early morning race.

Both she and Megan have quietly stepped up to the plate this last week and a half. They are handling things around the house that need doing without me having to ask. Or if I do point out something that needs attention, one or the other simply takes care of it without a complaint. Such a blessing! They wanted to plan out our meals this week, so we listed them out and all five of us shared an adventure at the grocery store on Sunday to stock up for the week. It wasn’t all that different really, I’ve been doing the shopping for most of the last year already. It’s like many of the tasks that I find at hand, I’ve taken most of them on over the past year, it’s just that now I realize it’s mine in perpetuity.

And I’m having to pay attention to things that dads don’t normally…how much sugar have the boys consumed today? When was the last time they changed their underwear? How about a shower? Can I see the carpet in their room? Have they been well hugged? What about a story, have they been engaged? How much time on the electronics? Have the girls been able to get time alone? Do they need to talk? Moms seem to have an intuitive built-in barometer for these things. Dads, well, dads like to count basic things…Are all four of them here? Yep, we’re good!

Seriously, the energy required to build in an automatic awareness of the states of cleanliness, the pantry stock level, the emotional tenor and intellectual stimulation to name but several may explain my tiredness of the last two days. But I’m getting there. All of this of course reminds me of Kristi’s absence and how much I miss her. At the same time that it aches, I let it remind me of how well we learned to live together and quality of the home we built. And that home is running pretty well right now, all things considered. The children have been amazing.

They are looking forward to Katie’s birthday and then the trip out to California next week. So if you’ll pardon me, I’ve got a sweet sixteen birthday to pull-off, a travel list to make, duffles to pack, boys to scrub and a race to compete.

As each busy day unfolds, I know He’s right there with me every step of the way. Thanks for your continued prayers. We look forward to seeing so many more of you next week!

B-Gone, B-9, B-Healed

18 + 467 A Good Day

Grief, Inspirational, Training, , , ,

Phew, this week is almost behind us. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were flat out hard. I found myself in my room with tears streaming down my face several times. But Thursday and Friday were MUCH better. Today even counts as a good day!

Even the head cold / mold allergies I’m dealing with haven’t dampened my spirits. I still bump up against Kristi’s absence a thousand times a day but it hasn’t derailed me the past three days. Progress is good.

This morning started with a 45 mile bike ride with friends from the triathlon club. I changed the route at the end and instead of riding home I went to my parent’s house because my dad picked up the children and mom had beignets and bacon ready for consumption. After burning 3000 calories on the ride I was ready to refuel!

With a face covered in powdered sugar and four happy children we came home to do a little cleaning and then head over to a friends house for lunch and swimming. Tonight is a Phil Keaggy concert here in Georgetown. Indeed it’s shaping up to be a fine day.

Yesterday morning’s family worship time was helpful too. I played the guitar, we all sang and then I read Psalm 93. It references the Israelites not trusting God and not entering His planned rest for them in the promise land. Then I flipped over to Hebrews chapter 4 where the writer picks up that same theme, quoting Psalm 95 and says, today we still have the opportunity to enter his rest through Jesus. And then I kept reading…

At the end of the chapter is the verse that says Jesus is our high priest but one who sympathizes with us in our times of weakness and did so without sin. It came to me at that moment as I sat there with the children looking at me, that Jesus had to deal with the loss of a parent. Joseph is not in the picture by the time Jesus begins his ministry. I shared with the children that they can talk to Jesus about what it feels like to lose a parent. But as I shared this encouragement with them I was thinking, “yeah, but he never lost a spouse. Doesn’t know what I’ve feeling.”

Then the calm voice of the Spirit said, “His bride rejected him. He came to the Jews, but they killed him. They wouldn’t listen to him. His heart and body were broken by his first love.” Whoa! I wasn’t ready for that. Then I heard further…”that’s why he loves the church…his people are his bride and we’ve been lovingly grafted into his family tree. We are the restoration of his bride.”

I shared that word immediately with the children and they liked it too. God is good. He has walked our path before and he is walking it with us now. He is present, he hears, he sees and there will be restoration. “We will work together with him to bring about every good thing.” (Rom 8:28 paraphrased)

Indeed, today is a good day!

B-Gone, B-9, B-Healed

18 + 463 Sudden Silence

Grief, , , , ,

My good friend left to catch his flight at 4AM yesterday morning. When we woke, it was just the five of us and the pounding rain. It started at 10PM but kept on through the night.

Morning dawned gray and soggy. It kept raining until three inches filled the gauge. I’d been dreading this moment for some days. The high of the weekend, the great service, the celebration and for weeks a very busy house with caregivers coming and going to minister to Kristi’s needs kept us busy and distracted to a certain degree.

But they’re all gone and it was just us to face the gray day. I couldn’t make it through the breakfast prayer, choking up with the reality of her absence.

But then the children couldn’t be contained. The rain puddles were growing and needed to be explored. Soon all five of us plus the dog were out in the weather, a motley looking crew to be sure. From rain coats, to sweat shirts, shorts to rain boots, we were out to get wet.

An hour later we slogged back in, soaked and loving it. We showered, dried and put on robes and drank hot chocolate…in the summer…in Texas. It was still 68 outside, but when it was 104 on Saturday, it felt downright frigid.

My mom arrived just after lunch and stayed through the afternoon letting Katie and Megan sort through Kristi’s clothes and shoes to see what they’d like. That was actually a fun process for them.

My dad joined us for a dinner of leftovers and then we watched the baseball home-run derby before heading off to bed.

The first day was done and we all survived!

Today was better. We are eating dinner with some friends to watch the baseball All-Star game this evening.

I knew the sudden silence would be deafening, and it was, but we made it through. Thanks for your prayers. We miss Kristi mightily, but we will make it and will be ok.

B-Gone, B-9, B-Healed…its a way of life