Tag Archives: anger

This Deserves A Response

Grief, , , , , ,

Another benefit to letting go of your anger is you’ll find space to respond to life instead of reacting. A response is driven by thought, faith, and deliberation. A reaction is driven by emotion. Rarely will you regret your responses. However reactions, especially those driven by anger, are often embarrassing and hurtful.

Navigating widowerhood demands a continuous string of responses throughout each day. Life does. But when you’ve been used to sharing the burden of those responses with your wife and she’s no longer there, having to handle them all alone seems daunting, overwhelming and impossible. It tires you out.

Trust me, choosing to react rather than respond will only magnify the burden of choices flowing your direction. And yes, its a choice. Anger is a choice. Many people employ it as a tool in relationships. I’ve found it to yield the poorest long term benefit. But that’s another discussion for another day.

Again, if anger is your go-to coping mechanism, you need to Take Time To Train. #4T. I’ll keep saying it, and don’t mind being stuck on the “Repeat Continuously” setting. Its a key component in living Fit, Faithful and Fulfilled. Anger will derail you. Choose to respond. That’s an action that’s fit for a widower.

A Bitter Pill

Grief, , ,

Perpetually pissed. That’s how bitterness strikes me. When grief first gripped me, right at the start of Kristi’s battle with cancer, I was seriously angry. I yelled on the phone and in person with numerous friends both brave and gracious enough to let me vent. I yelled often during Kristi’s fifteen month battle. Never in her presence, or the children either. Sometimes while running, often while driving. I raged at the helplessness I experienced. I ragged on the process and the treatment my precious wife had to endure. Our life was forever changed and that wasn’t fair. I was pissed.

I get mad quickly, heat flushing my cheeks. But neither do I hold on to anger; I let it go after it runs its course. I realized early on that I was going to have to keep flushing the anger through. Not to deny it or hide it, but let it out in a safe place so I could get back to supporting Kristi and our children. I found solace in long runs, swims and bikes. I could rage while alone if needed. More often I could simply channel the frustration of setbacks into my workout of the day, bleeding off the negative emotions and releasing positive energy that helped fuel me for the long road ahead.

With so many tasks requiring 100% of my time and focus, I knew I didn’t have the energy to remain angry all the time. Being bitter just takes too much effort. It steals what precious reserves of energy I have while robbing me of the emotional sense needed to connect with my children.

Bitterness is a choice. You don’t have to live there. Its not dishonoring to your wife to let go of the anger. And if anger is the only engine that drives your daily living, its going to be a lonely journey, much lonelier than it has to be. Try training. And try this short prayer:

“God, I’m always angry. Its killing my energy, emotions and relationships. I want to let it go, but don’t know how. Would you take this from me, please? Thanks.”

Peace to you my friends.

PS- Be encouraged, if you repeatedly let the anger go, I have found it stops returning after time. I don’t get angry anymore about my situation. I look for joy and a reason to smile each day.