My heart is full from the myriad expressions of love showered over my family and me. We haven’t counted names in the guest book, but the room was packed to overflowing and the courtyard was busy with friendly reunions during the reception to honor Kristi.

There was the reunion of her college roommates who hadn’t gathered in years; Marion even came from Germany to join the celebration. A sizable group from our church in Grass Valley made the journey as well. Then there was the turnout of Wolf Mountain staff alumni. What a fun blessing to reconnect with those who served so many years together and started the journey of parenting with us there at camp.

These folks I knew, we had lived life together and I knew what Kristi meant to them. However to finally have hugs, kisses and blessings from so many of you today that I have only known from your encouraging words here on CaringBridge and/or Facebook, was a true highlight! The God Squad ladies, the Monte Vista crew, YVCS friends, Livorna and Round Hill friends as well as Kristi’s extended family reminded me of how loved Kristi was and the wake she leaves in her passing.

But grieving together today, in public, with all of you reminded me that we are not alone. To receive the outpouring of your love and blessing was a deep encouragement to me, a reminder that we are connected in the most profound ways imaginable by our love for an amazing woman of God.

Yesterday was the penultimate day of this journey. While at Mount Hermon we gathered under the towering redwood trees along the banks of the creek with John and Bev, Kim and her children and spread more of Kristi’s ashes. My tears flowed as freely as the stream into which we laid the ashes. Mt Hermon was always a spiritual home to Kristi. Not only did she grow up going to camp there but, during a camper in leadership training program before her senior year in high school, Kristi made the irreversible decision to fully commit her life to Jesus.

That decision resulted in years spent on summer staff and made it an easy choice for her to come and provide end-of-summer help in 1992 to cover for staff that had left early. That’s when we met, the last two weeks of my year on staff. I crowded the family into the staff lounge at Mount Hermon’s Redwood Camp and, with Katie playing Kristi’s part, I showed them all just where we were sitting the moment I looked up twenty one years ago this month and noticed the blond newcomer in the corner. That day started a journey that ended today, 482 days after receiving the unexpected news of her diagnosis.

I didn’t know such pain and heartache could be repeatedly experienced in 482 days. Nor would I have ever imagined the consistent, faithful care and love lived out that filled the 482 days to overflowing. As I write tonight, the 23rd Psalm comes to mind:

The Great “I Am” is my shepherd, I shall not be lacking.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,
You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I know that the coming days, weeks and months will be filled with every emotion imaginable and that our God will be there with me every step of the way, providing wisdom, counsel and guidance but that is a different journey. That is the new and unexpected journey through grief, through learning to live, love and laugh again in new ways. So changes are in store for this blog.

This is the last numbered entry, but it is not the end, I believe it is only the beginning. A new website is in the works and will be announced here when it is ready. I will be moving this whole blog to that website to free up sever space for the good folks at Caring Bridge. That new site will provide me with the ability to manage how the blog looks and what it contains more freely than the limited toolset here. This entire journey will be posted there in perpetuity and what the site will fully become is not yet known. Yes, there will be a book too.

Stay tuned and I’ll make every effort to make the migration as obvious and painless as possible to the new location when that time comes.

So the journey continues even as this portion comes to a close. Let us forge ahead together, praying, declaring and believing B-Gone, B-9, B-Healed!